December 31, 2009
Things have certainly gotten better since that first week home from the hospital. I am physically feeling better - now that the pink eye, stomach bug, & UTI are all behind me! I have slowly begun the healing process. I have been able to go to church and not cry. Christmas was truly a joyful and blessed day! While I have enjoyed having both mine and Rick's family around these past two weeks, it has been really nice to just have some quiet time with just me and Rick.
I saw Dr. Molland on the 23rd. He was checking to make sure I hadn't fallen into some deep depression ;) I had told him that despite the "week from hell", I was still able to find some joy in things. I guess he felt sorry for me because he sent me a beautiful flower arrangement. I was so shocked to receive those flowers - such an act of kindness. I was overwhelmed with emotion.
Last night I went out for the first time in a LONG time with a friend of mine. No kids, no husband, just me. It was hard to remember what that felt like. It was a very relaxing, and I enjoyed myself immensly. I even drank a beer! ;-) Thanks Kristi!!!
I still haven't decided exactly when I will be heading back to work. Today is Rick's first day back at work. Good thing I have the kids here to keep me company! I still haven't had to face a day by myself. We'll just have to wait and see how I do with that one.
Many thanks to those of you out there who continue to pray for our healing. I know that with time all will be better, and I will continue to hold God's Grace close to my heart!
Happy New Year!!!! :-)
Thursday, December 31, 2009
Sunday, December 20, 2009
Hard Day
December 20, 2009
I had every intentions of today being a good day. While for the most part it was, it was to say the least an emotional day. We got up for church, and the first person I saw was Monsignor Bridges. He gave me a hug and asked how I was doing. My eyes immediately swelled up with tears. Then I saw Beth, she sang at Grace's service; she too gave me a big hug and I just started crying. That set the mood for the entire day - emotional! Throughtout mass I was teary-eyed. The choir sang two songs during mass that were sang at Grace's service. Then just the readings and homily set me to tears. And that was only the first hour of the day! Guess I'm not ready to face the world yet!
My dear friend Danielle came to visit this afternoon. She has helped me so much since we found out the diagnosis 3 months ago. It was so good to see her. Emotional as well. I was recapping events from the delivery as well as our experience at the hospital. I shared some pictures as well as some keepsakes given to me by the hospital. She is moving to Utah in just a few days, I'm really going to miss her!
So while this day was an emotional rollercoaster for me, and unfortunately the first of many "firsts", I did survive. Tomorrow will be a week from when Grace entered this world and passed on to the next. I am still going through the physical recovery from delivery, and have a long road ahead for the emotional healing. But I know that with the help of God's Grace I will get there!
I had every intentions of today being a good day. While for the most part it was, it was to say the least an emotional day. We got up for church, and the first person I saw was Monsignor Bridges. He gave me a hug and asked how I was doing. My eyes immediately swelled up with tears. Then I saw Beth, she sang at Grace's service; she too gave me a big hug and I just started crying. That set the mood for the entire day - emotional! Throughtout mass I was teary-eyed. The choir sang two songs during mass that were sang at Grace's service. Then just the readings and homily set me to tears. And that was only the first hour of the day! Guess I'm not ready to face the world yet!
My dear friend Danielle came to visit this afternoon. She has helped me so much since we found out the diagnosis 3 months ago. It was so good to see her. Emotional as well. I was recapping events from the delivery as well as our experience at the hospital. I shared some pictures as well as some keepsakes given to me by the hospital. She is moving to Utah in just a few days, I'm really going to miss her!
So while this day was an emotional rollercoaster for me, and unfortunately the first of many "firsts", I did survive. Tomorrow will be a week from when Grace entered this world and passed on to the next. I am still going through the physical recovery from delivery, and have a long road ahead for the emotional healing. But I know that with the help of God's Grace I will get there!
Thursday, December 17, 2009
Grace Elizabeth Butler
GRACE ELIZABETH BUTLER
On December 14, 2009 our baby girl entered this world at 8:26pm. She came out with her eyes open and the first thing she saw was her Daddy. She was quickly cleaned up and weighed in at 4 pounds 6.9 ounces and 17 inches long. She was immediately given to me. She was so very beautiful. There was so much love in that room. Everything went absolutely perfect. We got to hold her and love on her for hours. Unfortunately about 30 minutes or so after her birth, our baby Grace went to be with our Lord and Savior. It's a blessing to know that she didn't suffer during her short time here on earth, and all she felt was pure love and joy. We laid her to rest on Wednesday, December 16th. The service was very simple, but oh so beautiful. You will always hold a special place in our hearts my dear baby girl. We love you!!
Saturday, December 12, 2009
48 hours
December 12, 2009
It is hard to believe that in only 48 hours I will be admitted to the hospital to induce labor. On one hand it seems time has just gone so slow with all of the uncertainties and inability to plan anything. But then on the other hand, our baby is about to be here and I'm not ready to say good-bye. I am going to miss so much all those little kicks and wiggles inside me. I wish I could stay pregnant forever just so I won't have to go through this. But obviously that's not an option. I know that whatever happens it is God's will, and His plan is perfect - even if I don't understand it.
So many people have commented to me on how "strong" I am and how they wouldn't be able to do what we have done. Well, I just want everyone to know, the strength does not come from me. Every single time I have questioned God or lost faith is when I have broken down. There I find myself on my knees (where I should be anyway!) asking God for the strength to keep going. And without fail, He lifts me back up! I feel so blessed that God has chosen ME to be the mother of this special angel! This baby will always have a special place in our hearts and family and will never be forgotten!!!
It is hard to believe that in only 48 hours I will be admitted to the hospital to induce labor. On one hand it seems time has just gone so slow with all of the uncertainties and inability to plan anything. But then on the other hand, our baby is about to be here and I'm not ready to say good-bye. I am going to miss so much all those little kicks and wiggles inside me. I wish I could stay pregnant forever just so I won't have to go through this. But obviously that's not an option. I know that whatever happens it is God's will, and His plan is perfect - even if I don't understand it.
So many people have commented to me on how "strong" I am and how they wouldn't be able to do what we have done. Well, I just want everyone to know, the strength does not come from me. Every single time I have questioned God or lost faith is when I have broken down. There I find myself on my knees (where I should be anyway!) asking God for the strength to keep going. And without fail, He lifts me back up! I feel so blessed that God has chosen ME to be the mother of this special angel! This baby will always have a special place in our hearts and family and will never be forgotten!!!
Thursday, December 10, 2009
Final Check
December 10, 2009
Had my follow-up appt with Dr. Molland today. I am still only dilated at 1 cm. No major changes to report. At this time we are still on schedule to be admitted Monday, December 14th. Tomorrow I am going to meet with Leah, the photographer, to take one last set of maternity photos. Leah is going to be there at the hospital as well to take pictures of our little angel baby. Hopefully all will go well and my family will all make it in to town in time!
Had my follow-up appt with Dr. Molland today. I am still only dilated at 1 cm. No major changes to report. At this time we are still on schedule to be admitted Monday, December 14th. Tomorrow I am going to meet with Leah, the photographer, to take one last set of maternity photos. Leah is going to be there at the hospital as well to take pictures of our little angel baby. Hopefully all will go well and my family will all make it in to town in time!
Friday, December 4, 2009
God is Good!!!
December 3, 2009
What a busy afternoon! I had my sonogram with the perinatologists. Baby is still growing. I am 31 weeks 5 days. Baby measured right at 31 weeks, and approximate weight 3 pounds 13 ounces - how cute is that? I have felt from the beginning that this baby is a little girl. The tech couldn't confirm, but she thought the baby was a little girl as well. If it is a girl, her name will be Grace Elizabeth Butler.
Now on to the results of the sonogram. The heart has become significantly more enlarged and thickened. The bladder was HUGE. The doctor theorized that maybe there was a bladder obstruction to begin with that prevented the baby from urinating. This then caused the urine to back up into the kidneys, causing an increased amount of pressure withing the kidneys and ultimately forming the cysts. Or, it could be that there are two problems - a separate bladder obstruction and multicyctis kidneys from the start. The bottom line is the kidneys still don't function, there is still no amniotic fluid, and the lungs have not developed. Plus the heart is so big it is compressing the lung tissue. So, when the baby is born, it will still die from breathing problems.
Now for the good news! My placenta has moved completely out of the way!!!! It is no longer covering my cervix! This means I do not have to deliver by c-section, but instead naturally! What a relief that was. I had come to accept whatever God's will was in regards to the method of delivery, but was overjoyed to know that I wasn't going to have to have a c-section!!!! God is so good!!! Thank you to all who prayed that my placenta would move!!! :)
I discussed with Dr. Bruner how my blood sugars have been increasingly difficult for me to control. For those of you who do not know, I developed gestational diabetes with my 2 previous pregnancies, but fortunately I was able to control with diet. This pregnancy has been a challenge to maintain my blood sugars - they are all over the place. In a normal situation, they would put me on medication to manage my sugars. But Dr. Bruner point blank said it would be in my best interest to just deliver the baby instead of trying to treat the diabetes.
So we headed over to Dr. Molland's office. Between the two doctor visits, Rick and I spent hours in waiting rooms! But we finally saw Dr. Molland - fortunately Dr. Bruner had already called him with the results of the ultrasound. Dr. Molland performed an internal exam and discovered that I have already started to dilate (1 cm only, but it's a start)! He will recheck me in one week, and the tentative plan is to admit me on Monday, December 14th to induce labor. It's hard to believe that in only a week and a half our little baby will be here!
Thank you again to all of you who have been praying for us! I humbly ask that you continue to pray for us, as the hard part is almost here!
What a busy afternoon! I had my sonogram with the perinatologists. Baby is still growing. I am 31 weeks 5 days. Baby measured right at 31 weeks, and approximate weight 3 pounds 13 ounces - how cute is that? I have felt from the beginning that this baby is a little girl. The tech couldn't confirm, but she thought the baby was a little girl as well. If it is a girl, her name will be Grace Elizabeth Butler.
Now on to the results of the sonogram. The heart has become significantly more enlarged and thickened. The bladder was HUGE. The doctor theorized that maybe there was a bladder obstruction to begin with that prevented the baby from urinating. This then caused the urine to back up into the kidneys, causing an increased amount of pressure withing the kidneys and ultimately forming the cysts. Or, it could be that there are two problems - a separate bladder obstruction and multicyctis kidneys from the start. The bottom line is the kidneys still don't function, there is still no amniotic fluid, and the lungs have not developed. Plus the heart is so big it is compressing the lung tissue. So, when the baby is born, it will still die from breathing problems.
Now for the good news! My placenta has moved completely out of the way!!!! It is no longer covering my cervix! This means I do not have to deliver by c-section, but instead naturally! What a relief that was. I had come to accept whatever God's will was in regards to the method of delivery, but was overjoyed to know that I wasn't going to have to have a c-section!!!! God is so good!!! Thank you to all who prayed that my placenta would move!!! :)
I discussed with Dr. Bruner how my blood sugars have been increasingly difficult for me to control. For those of you who do not know, I developed gestational diabetes with my 2 previous pregnancies, but fortunately I was able to control with diet. This pregnancy has been a challenge to maintain my blood sugars - they are all over the place. In a normal situation, they would put me on medication to manage my sugars. But Dr. Bruner point blank said it would be in my best interest to just deliver the baby instead of trying to treat the diabetes.
So we headed over to Dr. Molland's office. Between the two doctor visits, Rick and I spent hours in waiting rooms! But we finally saw Dr. Molland - fortunately Dr. Bruner had already called him with the results of the ultrasound. Dr. Molland performed an internal exam and discovered that I have already started to dilate (1 cm only, but it's a start)! He will recheck me in one week, and the tentative plan is to admit me on Monday, December 14th to induce labor. It's hard to believe that in only a week and a half our little baby will be here!
Thank you again to all of you who have been praying for us! I humbly ask that you continue to pray for us, as the hard part is almost here!
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